Dear gods, was I that bad in a past life?

[moonlettuce]

So, thinks me. I have tickets to a con, flights booked and a possible hotel *glances at temaris*

All I need now is to renew my passport. Can't be that difficult.

Ha! The gods mock me!

Firstly, I need photos. That's okay, I'll get photos done at the place I'm going to renew my travel pass at (mainly because I totally forgot about the bank holidays and left it too late to do online).

Only, apparently not. Because the lovely sign in the travelshop says that, due to new restrictions, their photos are no longer the correct specifications for passports.

Bugger.

*looks around*

A-ha! (And not the misunderstood Norwegian pop band, either.)

A photo booth. Two of them! (This becomes relevant later on - trust me.)

Bugger again. No change.

Cue a quick dive into the nearest newsagent to buy the first thing I see, which is a Cadbury's Double Decker. Armed with change, an unwanted chocolate bar and a resolute, yet bouncy, outlook on life, I descend upon the photo booth.

I primp and preen... well, okay, I take my hair out of the ponytail and give it a bit of a shake.

I put my money in and... nothing happens. The bastard machine ate my £3.50. (And also: dude! The last time I was in one of these it was £2. £2! I realise inflation happens, but come on!)

However, I am still determined (and driven on by the thought of the porn).

Go to the cashpoint, get more money. Back to the newsagent, but another unwanted chocolate bar (a Mars this time, for those who care.) Back to the other photo booth.

Success!

My face is in the red oval, smack the green button, wait for them to develop.

I must say, at these point, these are not good photos. I look pretty terrible, but at this point I don't care. I have photos on my grubby little mits (well, tucked into a book to stop them creasing, but who's paying attention at this point). I am triumphant.

I'm also ignoring the snickering going on in the Heavens, because, dude, if I ignore it, maybe they'll go away.

Back home and I get the passport application out. They have a funky little 'This is what your photo should look like' helpsheet. With measurements. For the love of Hewlett, it's 10:30pm, I shouldn't be measuring my face to make sure it's less than 34 millimetres in length. I also shouldn't have my glasses frames covering my eyes. I squint at the photo. Well, you can see my eyes, but the frames are kinda low down. And now you mention it, my face is kinda close. And aren't I meant to have a clear 'border' around my head?

...

Dear gods, I'm going to need new photos aren't I?

*breathes deeply*

That's okay, I just get new photos (costing another £3.50!) tomorrow, and fill in the form now.

*picks up pen*

*frowns*

*puts pen back down*

Why? I hear you ask. Because in big letters at the side of the passport application is: IMPORTANT. USE BLACK INK ONLY.

*frantic hunt through desk drawers*

Y' see, the thing is, I don't write in black. All my pens are blue ink. With the occasional glittery purple, but if they ain't taking blue, I don't think that'll go down well.

*thinks*

Yes! I have a black pen!

*hunts around looking for said elusive item*

Celebration! Elation! Exultation! Joy! Jubilation! Merriment! (And other words nicked from Thesaurus.com)

I have found the one black pen in the house.

*twitches*

And it doesn't work.

Claire's neighbour: Why, what's that sound, dear?
Claire's neighbour's spouse: I've no idea, but it sounds like someone repeatedly smacking their head off a wall.

So now I have no change, two unwanted chocolate bars, photos that aren't any use (and cost me £7!), no black pen and an increasingly homicidal outlook on life.

And still no completed passport application.

*sigh*

At least tomorrow's got to be better.

Right?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Comments

[temaris.livejournal.com]

The Atlantis pens are black ink (guess what I just did? *g*). And I'm doing photos tomorrow, after the obligatory small bar of chocolate *rolls eyes*

Hotel tomorrow -- knackered today.

*hugs*

Remember to only fill in part 1,2,3 and 9. If you do check and send they claim that it will turnaround in 2 wweeks. Which would be good *g*

Booked my time off work today. And now I go to bed.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Have to say, I got my passport renewed in early December and the new one turned up within a week. I didn't do the check and send thing either, just posted it off, because why should I pay someone extra to see if it's going to work or not?

And no, I couldn't believe it either. ;)

[temaris.livejournal.com]

Well, last time I sent my passport off -- in an October -- it took five weeks. And that gets me a little too close to the point where I am leaving the country. So, yeah. Check and send sounds like a really good idea to me.

[lost-house.livejournal.com]

*double checks passport* conveniently in my bag today to provide id for post office parcel collection), expires july 2010 *breathes easy*

i have already checked the expiry date at least 3 times during the escapade discussions but it *might* have changed... the 'mericans have calmed down about the whole visa thing now haven't they?

[temaris.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yes, as far as I know, they've extended the visa waiver program. We'll get fingerprinted and photographed coming in for US VISIT, and we're supposed to check back out from it again.

[zoerayne]

This is why I took the kids in November to apply for their passports for our trip in March. No, really. And why I'm not changing my name on my passport until after the con; it doesn't expire for another year, so I'm good on that, and I was just worried that it'd take them too long to get it turned around to me. Plus, this way I've got legal identification in both names, for things like my plane tickets (booked in my married name, before the divorce was final) and my hotel (booked in my maiden name, after the divorce). Heh.

(The kids' passports have arrived, btw, which makes me happy. I can now take them anywhere in the world. You might want to take that as a warning. *koff*)

[leyenn.livejournal.com]

Passports are designed to make life hellish, I tell you. Just getting mine was a nightmare, as I have no other ID save my birth certificate (no driving license because hey, you need a passport as ID for a provisional license!) and because of my erratic house-moving since uni it turned out I had to take the form to a con and get starlaces to verify that I am actually me, and if I didn't have that one single mate in the civil service I'd be doomed to perpetual official non-existence...

Suffice to say, one day there will be a tale just like yours when I go to renew my passport. Maybe that'll make you feel a bit better. ;)

[workerb.livejournal.com]

It's like the photo gods got together with the passport gods who then called in the pen gods and devised this evil plot to make you suffer. And they're all sitting up there somewhere, full of glee and mischief as they watch you try to get a passport. Bad gods, no cookie!

Tomorrow will be better because the nothing-but-good-luck gods will smite the bad gods.

[hampden.livejournal.com]

Make sure you don't smile, your signature doesn't go outside the border for the scanned sig and take it to the Post Office. They'll check it for you and deride you mercilessly if you've made another mistake - they also get it back quickly.

[ruric.livejournal.com]

I picked up the form to renew mine just before Christmas.

I have not looked at it since, as I have seen all the hoo-haa about what a pain it is.

Guess I should dig it outbefore this weekend and complete and send it off. Otherwise it'll be a day down in Eccleston Square for me.

[saffronra.livejournal.com]

gargh. makes me very glad I managed to renew my passport just before all the photo restrictions came in!