The bunnies are talking...

I believe that John tries to block it out, the fact that his eldest looks like a guy he barely knew and barely met but who he'd spent the last 25 years thinking about. And he's not thinking about his son on his knees in a dirty back alley, John's cock down his throat and John's fingers in his hair, holding him in place as Dean just takes it. He's not. And he keeps telling himself that every time.