![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
moonlettuceThe BSGSlash list ran a ficathon, and this was the result of the request I got.
Almost Like Being Free
By Claire
Apollo can't seem to make his feet move when the doors to the Life Centre close in front of him. All he can hear is Starbuck's frantic voice telling them to clear the launch bay, that his viper is damaged and he has no landing controls. He followed blindly when the techs finally pulled Starbuck out of the mangled viper, needing to touch his lover but not wanting to get in the way of Cassiopeia's hands as they flew over Starbuck's body as he was lowered onto the trolley.
And now the doors are shut. Starbuck and Salik and Cassi locked away with tubes and machines, and a million others things that Apollo doesn't understand.
"Apollo?"
He turns to see Athena, concerned etched into each line on her face. Her fingers wrap around his arm, and he's sure she should be warm, so why does her touch feel like ice.
"Apollo, come on, you can't stay here."
Yes, he can. He should. But he lets her lead him away anyway.
He thinks some of the people they pass speak to him, but no words reach him, his ears still filled with the static-laden crackle of Starbuck's radio message.
Athena manoeuvres him into his quarters, sitting him down as the door slides shut behind them.
"Stay there," she orders as she leaves him for a centon, before coming back and pressing a cup into his hand. "Drink."
He does as she says, bringing the cup to his lips and taking a sip. It's too hot and too sweet, but he swallows anyway, sure he should feel it burn as it goes down his throat.
The bed dips as she sits next to him, and all Apollo can think is the last time he was on this bed with someone it was Starbuck. He'd kissed him, and fucked him, and then told him it couldn't go on. That he was expected to get sealed, settle down and raise a family. That what they had had been fun while it lasted, but they were too old to be carrying on with childhood flings.
Starbuck had nodded, said he understood, and then he had left. And Apollo had sat in the dark until Boxey came home the next morning. Boxey.
"Where's Boxey?" Because it's too quiet and
/Starbuck/
Boxey should be here.
"He's with Sheba."
Apollo nods. That's all right then. Sheba's good with Boxey, he likes her. It's why
/Starbuck/
Sheba had been the first choice when Apollo was thinking about who he could spend the rest of his life with. And he'd asked her. Taken Sheba to one side and asked her out to dinner, asked if they could try being more than friends. But she'd turned him down. Smiled when she'd done it, soft and gentle, but rejected him all the same. And if Starbuck walked a little more carefully than usual the next day, well then no one said anything.
"Apollo, what happened?"
"Cylons. They were-"
"Not the patrol." Athena's words stop his. "What happened with you and Starbuck? I thought you were happy."
"I was." The words slip out before he can stop them, laying heavily in the air and clinging to his skin.
"Then what happened?" Frustration laces her tone. "One minute you were fine, and the next you're hitting on every available female and Starbuck won't look anyone in the eyes."
"Father said it was time I settled down." Make a more stable family for Boxey. If you're going to lead the Fleet, they need to know you're dependable.
"Apollo, you idiot, he meant Starbuck." Her voice is soft, but he can still hear the scorn underneath.
"I need to settle down." Because Adama had told him the Fleet needed stability, needed a leader who understood that. Athena has to realise that, has to understand that. Of all the people he needs to understand it's
/Starbuck/
her. "I need someone-"
Athena's fingers are strong under his chin as she turns his head to look at her, the touch of her on his skin cutting off the words as easily as a knife. "You need someone next to you? Apollo, look around. You already have. Father knows that. He was hinting for the two of you to get sealed, not for you to leave him."
And for what seems like the first time he looks around the room, eyes falling on the pack of fumarellos, the pyramid cards in a rough pile on the floor, the uniform next to his that's Starbuck's size, and a hundred other things that show these quarters aren't just his and Boxey's anymore. And then his gaze falls on the framed image of his family. Of Adama and Athena on either side of Boxey. Of himself and Starbuck standing behind them. His family, already complete.
"What have I done?" His voice is barely a whisper, words forcing themselves past the knot that's taken up residence in his throat.
"You've been a fracking idiot."
He looks at Athena, hearing nothing but truth in her words. "I love him."
"I'm not the one you need to tell."
He's on his feet and out of the quarters before she finishes speaking. Corridors fly past as he runs down them, dodging people and ignoring the calls and looks coming after him.
Finally he's standing at the Life Centre, hand reaching out to open the door, almost afraid.
"It doesn't open by will alone, you know."
Cassiopeia walks past and presses the control pad, soft touch opening the door as she stands in front, barring the entrance.
"I take it you're here to see Starbuck."
He nods, unable to speak.
She looks at him long and hard before finally moving, allowing him to go inside.
He's stepping past her when her hand reaches out and wraps around his arm, grip surprisingly strong.
"Hurt him, and you will regret it."
He meets her gaze, and he doesn't know what she sees in his eyes, but she lets him go. He moves further into the room, stopping before the white curtain separating the bed holding his lover from the rest of the Life Centre.
And Cassi senses his hesitation, knows it for what it is. "He's fine, Apollo. A concussion and some cracked ribs. He's just lucky he's as good a pilot as he is."
He reaches out, fingers tangling in the starchy white of the curtain and pulling it back. Two steps closes the distance between him and the bed, and Apollo is looking down at the too still form of his lover. He rests his fingers on Starbuck's arm, trailing them down the exposed skin.
"Apollo?"
The voice is soft, quiet cadence reaching further into Apollo's soul than any shout ever has. Starbuck's eyes are open now, looking at him, and Apollo suddenly finds all the words he ever needed to say.
"I love you."
Starbuck lays a hand on his and smiles. And finally, Apollo feels warm again.
End.
Almost Like Being Free
By Claire
Apollo can't seem to make his feet move when the doors to the Life Centre close in front of him. All he can hear is Starbuck's frantic voice telling them to clear the launch bay, that his viper is damaged and he has no landing controls. He followed blindly when the techs finally pulled Starbuck out of the mangled viper, needing to touch his lover but not wanting to get in the way of Cassiopeia's hands as they flew over Starbuck's body as he was lowered onto the trolley.
And now the doors are shut. Starbuck and Salik and Cassi locked away with tubes and machines, and a million others things that Apollo doesn't understand.
"Apollo?"
He turns to see Athena, concerned etched into each line on her face. Her fingers wrap around his arm, and he's sure she should be warm, so why does her touch feel like ice.
"Apollo, come on, you can't stay here."
Yes, he can. He should. But he lets her lead him away anyway.
He thinks some of the people they pass speak to him, but no words reach him, his ears still filled with the static-laden crackle of Starbuck's radio message.
Athena manoeuvres him into his quarters, sitting him down as the door slides shut behind them.
"Stay there," she orders as she leaves him for a centon, before coming back and pressing a cup into his hand. "Drink."
He does as she says, bringing the cup to his lips and taking a sip. It's too hot and too sweet, but he swallows anyway, sure he should feel it burn as it goes down his throat.
The bed dips as she sits next to him, and all Apollo can think is the last time he was on this bed with someone it was Starbuck. He'd kissed him, and fucked him, and then told him it couldn't go on. That he was expected to get sealed, settle down and raise a family. That what they had had been fun while it lasted, but they were too old to be carrying on with childhood flings.
Starbuck had nodded, said he understood, and then he had left. And Apollo had sat in the dark until Boxey came home the next morning. Boxey.
"Where's Boxey?" Because it's too quiet and
/Starbuck/
Boxey should be here.
"He's with Sheba."
Apollo nods. That's all right then. Sheba's good with Boxey, he likes her. It's why
/Starbuck/
Sheba had been the first choice when Apollo was thinking about who he could spend the rest of his life with. And he'd asked her. Taken Sheba to one side and asked her out to dinner, asked if they could try being more than friends. But she'd turned him down. Smiled when she'd done it, soft and gentle, but rejected him all the same. And if Starbuck walked a little more carefully than usual the next day, well then no one said anything.
"Apollo, what happened?"
"Cylons. They were-"
"Not the patrol." Athena's words stop his. "What happened with you and Starbuck? I thought you were happy."
"I was." The words slip out before he can stop them, laying heavily in the air and clinging to his skin.
"Then what happened?" Frustration laces her tone. "One minute you were fine, and the next you're hitting on every available female and Starbuck won't look anyone in the eyes."
"Father said it was time I settled down." Make a more stable family for Boxey. If you're going to lead the Fleet, they need to know you're dependable.
"Apollo, you idiot, he meant Starbuck." Her voice is soft, but he can still hear the scorn underneath.
"I need to settle down." Because Adama had told him the Fleet needed stability, needed a leader who understood that. Athena has to realise that, has to understand that. Of all the people he needs to understand it's
/Starbuck/
her. "I need someone-"
Athena's fingers are strong under his chin as she turns his head to look at her, the touch of her on his skin cutting off the words as easily as a knife. "You need someone next to you? Apollo, look around. You already have. Father knows that. He was hinting for the two of you to get sealed, not for you to leave him."
And for what seems like the first time he looks around the room, eyes falling on the pack of fumarellos, the pyramid cards in a rough pile on the floor, the uniform next to his that's Starbuck's size, and a hundred other things that show these quarters aren't just his and Boxey's anymore. And then his gaze falls on the framed image of his family. Of Adama and Athena on either side of Boxey. Of himself and Starbuck standing behind them. His family, already complete.
"What have I done?" His voice is barely a whisper, words forcing themselves past the knot that's taken up residence in his throat.
"You've been a fracking idiot."
He looks at Athena, hearing nothing but truth in her words. "I love him."
"I'm not the one you need to tell."
He's on his feet and out of the quarters before she finishes speaking. Corridors fly past as he runs down them, dodging people and ignoring the calls and looks coming after him.
Finally he's standing at the Life Centre, hand reaching out to open the door, almost afraid.
"It doesn't open by will alone, you know."
Cassiopeia walks past and presses the control pad, soft touch opening the door as she stands in front, barring the entrance.
"I take it you're here to see Starbuck."
He nods, unable to speak.
She looks at him long and hard before finally moving, allowing him to go inside.
He's stepping past her when her hand reaches out and wraps around his arm, grip surprisingly strong.
"Hurt him, and you will regret it."
He meets her gaze, and he doesn't know what she sees in his eyes, but she lets him go. He moves further into the room, stopping before the white curtain separating the bed holding his lover from the rest of the Life Centre.
And Cassi senses his hesitation, knows it for what it is. "He's fine, Apollo. A concussion and some cracked ribs. He's just lucky he's as good a pilot as he is."
He reaches out, fingers tangling in the starchy white of the curtain and pulling it back. Two steps closes the distance between him and the bed, and Apollo is looking down at the too still form of his lover. He rests his fingers on Starbuck's arm, trailing them down the exposed skin.
"Apollo?"
The voice is soft, quiet cadence reaching further into Apollo's soul than any shout ever has. Starbuck's eyes are open now, looking at him, and Apollo suddenly finds all the words he ever needed to say.
"I love you."
Starbuck lays a hand on his and smiles. And finally, Apollo feels warm again.
End.
