moonlettuce | Dear gods, it's got a name...

Part one is here. Part two is here. Part three is here.

Men Are From Mars, Asgard Are From Othala (aka Hermiod Crack!Fic), Part 4

"Rodney, are--" John Sheppard's words were cut off by the sneeze that wracked his body as he opened the door to Rodney McKay's quarters. Wriggling his nose, he stepped further into the room and was assaulted by the overpowering smell of the flowers that covered every surface.

"Rodney?" he called, part of him expecting his lover to dive out of the foliage wearing only a loincloth. John paused at the thought and grinned. "Rodney?" he called again, a hint of lust colouring his tone. Silence met him, and John was just about to head to the lab to track down his errant scientist when the door to the quarters opened and Rodney walked in, accompanied by Teyla and Kate Heightmeyer.

"Are you sure you don't mind, Rodney?" Kate was asking.

"Please," Rodney replied, his nose twitching, "for the love of chocolate, take as many as you want."

"What's going on?" John asked, watching as both Kate and Teyla gathered up armfuls of flowers and disappeared out the door.

"I have no idea," Rodney answered. "I came back from the lab to get something and walked into the botanical garden from hell." He dejectedly poked a purple flower and made it sway. "I've been giving flowers away since I found them and I still haven't made a dent in them."

"So, where did they come from?" John kept his suspicion about a short, naked, grey rat to himself. After all, it might just be a coincidence that this was happening while the Daedalus was in dock.

Rodney looked at him. "If I knew that, Colonel, I'd be half way to getting rid of them."

John sighed silently. When Rodney called him Colonel outside of missions it meant either kinky sex or no sex. Unfortunately, John didn't think it was the first. "Come on," he said, "we can leave presents of them outside people's doors." If he helped Rodney get rid of them maybe he would go back from being a 'Get your hand away from there, Colonel' to a 'Oh god, yes, harder, Colonel.' Besides, he spent more time here than he did in his own quarters and he didn't really fancy turning up for the next mission briefing smelling like he'd bathed in Lily of the Valley. He picked up some of the flowers closest to him. "Are you coming?"

But Rodney wasn't paying attention. His eyes were fixed on his hand where an Athosian bee was wiggling its behind.

"Don't move," John said, putting the flowers down.

"Not moving," Rodney replied. "Absolutely not moving."

John stepped forward, reaching a hand out to carefully brush the bee from Rodney's hand, when the bee suddenly stopped wiggling and plunged its stinger into Rodney's flesh before flying off through the open balcony doors.

Rodney's eyes met his. "John--" the word was forced, breathy. "I--" And then he pitched forward.

"Rodney!" John grabbed Rodney as he fell, calling for Beckett on the comm., as he carefully lowered him to the ground. Pulling an ever-present EpiPen out of his pocket, John yanked the cap off with his teeth and spat it across the room.

Fingers grasped at his arm as John pulled Rodney's t-shirt up and jammed the pen into the exposed skin. Throwing the empty EpiPen to the floor, John ran his fingers through Rodney's hair. "Breathe with me," he murmured, thanking a god he didn't believe in any more when Rodney's ragged breath finally even out.

"John--"

"Ssh, I'm here," he replied quietly, his fingers continuing to gently run through Rodney's hair until Beckett finally arrived.

Hermiod reached out and turned off the monitor that he'd managed to patch into Atlantis's security system. When he'd transported the flowers from the mainland into his beloved's room, he hadn't thought to scan them for life signs. Taking 'Woo them with flowers' off his list, he looked at the next suggestion in the book. After all, *that man* may have his beloved now, but Hermiod was sure it was only a matter of time.

End