moonlettuce | Crack!Fic A Go-Go

Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four. Part five.

Men Are From Mars, Asgard Are From Othala, Part 6

John's eyes swept around the Commissary, wondering exactly how many people were watching Rodney fellate his dessert. "I knew it was a bad thing when the Daedalus said they had bananas with them," he muttered, shifting in his seat as the fruit slid back between Rodney's lips. "Rodney, stop that!"

Rodney looked up, biting the end of the banana off. "Stop what? I don't know what you're talking about," he replied, smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as he swallowed. "I'm just enjoying my banana." He wrapped his lips around the fruit, never once breaking eye contact with John as it slid deeper into his mouth.

"If you don't stop doing that, I'm going to bend you over this table and give Caldwell the show he's been waiting for," he said, voice pitched low so only his lover could hear him.

Rodney coughed, choking slightly. "That was uncalled for." He glanced over to one of the other tables where Caldwell was sitting with some of the Daedalus crew.

John grinned. "But you love me anyway."

"Frighteningly enough yes I--"

Rodney's reply was cut off as a screech echoed through Atlantis over the comm. system.

"What the?" John didn't even have time to stick his fingers in his ears before the sound cut off.

"Radek, was that anything you did?" Rodney asked, activating his radio.

John turned his own earpiece on, Zelenka's voice floating into his ear. "--And I resent implication that it was!"

"I wasn't implying anything, Radek, it was an out-and-out accusation," Rodney commented.

"Is merely jealousy of my brain," Radek retorted. "We did nothing."

Zelenka cut the connection, but the silence only lasted a few seconds before Elizabeth's voice replaced it.

"Rodney, what was that noise? We've got reports coming in from all over the city."

"I don't know, Elizabeth," Rodney answered, standing up. "It may have been some sort of feedback over the communications network, but I won't know for definite until I can look at the systems. We're on our way up to the Control Room now."

"We'll see you in a minute, then. Weir out."

John stood up, falling into step beside Rodney as they walked towards the transporter. They'd barely taken a few steps before the comm. system once more flared to life. However, this time, though, the noise that came out was far, far worse.

John looked at Rodney in surprise. "Is that--?"

But his words were cut off by Elizabeth's voice coming through the radios. "Why is Celine Dion playing through the city?!"

"Because the Wraith have discovered Atlantis is still here and have decided to try and drive us out by forcing us to listen to bad music," snapped Rodney. "Next up is the Backstreet Boys."

"Hey, I kinda like--" John's words trailed off at Rodney's glare. "So," he said, feeling like a change of topic was the only way he was getting into Rodney's pants that night, "meatloaf for dinner tonight, then?"

Rodney wasn't listening to him. "Radek?"

"I don't know!" Zelenka's disturbed tone came over the radio. "Am trying and Miko is trying and Simpson is trying, and not one of us can see where it is coming from."

"Keep trying," Rodney said, "I'm going up to the Control Room is see if I can switch this damn music off from up there before my brain starts dribbling out of my ears." He switched off the radio and pressed a hand gingerly to the side of his head. "I can feel my IQ dropping with each note."

"I would have thought you'd have liked her. You know, with you both being from Canada." John had to swallow the grin he could feel rising to his face at the look of stunned incredulity Rodney was giving him.

"It's Celine Dion, John. She's not from Canada, she's from the deepest reaches of Hell!"

"So, definitely not a fan, then." John let the grin out.

Rodney just glared, and started to head towards the transporter. "When *this*," his hand waved around in the air, "is over, remind me to play you some Sarah McLachlan. *That's* a singer Canada can be proud of." He turned suddenly, eyes fixed on John. "Now, the sooner we get this stopped, the sooner we can get back to my quarters."

John's grin widened. They'd save their people from the evil that was Celine Dion, then go back to Rodney's and listen to music. And if they happened to be in bed and naked while listening, well then that was just a bonus.

Hermiod's eyes narrowed as he watched his Beloved walk out of the Commissary with *that man*. He wasn't sure where he'd gone wrong. The singer he'd chosen was apparently famous on Earth for her love songs, and was from the same country as his Beloved; she should have been perfect. Instead, his Beloved was walking away from him with *that man* and Hermiod was stuck with yet another failure in 'Serenade them with music'. This wouldn't do, it just wouldn't do at all.

End.