moonlettuce | And it's still going...

Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four. Part five. Part six. Part seven. Part eight.
Part nine.

Men Are From Mars, Asgard Are From Othala, Part 10

John watched Rodney pace across the floor of his quarters, unsure exactly how the conversation had got as far away from him as it had. When Rodney had turned up at his quarters, John had been thinking more along the lines of 'yay, sex!' than 'let's argue about a naked grey rat who would look pretty good being sucked out of an airlock.' Closing his eyes for a moment, John tried again. "Rodney--"

Rodney, however, was having none of it. "I can't believe you seriously think that. It's like you've put two and two together and come up with the square root of pi!"

"Rodney--"

Rodney didn't even register the interruption. "Where's the evidence, John? Tell me that much. Tell me where the evidence that Hermiod apparently holds this massive torch for me is."

John felt his anger bubble over. "He tried to lock me in a damn closet!" Pushing himself off the bed, John stalked towards Rodney, ticking off each point on his fingers. "Over the past few months that little git has tempted you with chocolate, terrorised the base with Celine Dion and locked you in a cold store."

"He saved me from the explosion in the Daedalus's lab," pointed out Rodney.

"Which he caused in the first place!" John countered.

Rodney stopped his pacing and stared at him. "There's no proof that Hermiod did anything of the sort."

"I don't need proof!" John could feel his control starting to wane. "I know he did it."

"You just *know?*" And, oh, the eyebrow was rising in a move John was sure Rodney had stolen from him when he wasn't looking. "What, did you discover some sort of Ancient hunch-proving device when my back was turned?"

John scrubbed a hand over his eyes. "Rodney, think about it. The only viable explanation for all of the incidents that have happened is that Hermiod has been orchestrating them."

"In order to get you out of the way and me into his love shack of desire," Rodney added, deadpan.

"Yes!" John agreed, desperately not trying to think about anything relating to Hermiod's love shack of desire. Especially not associated with Rodney. "And before you ask, no I don't know why. Maybe he thinks I'm too tall for you. Or not smart enough."

Rodney just looked at him. "John, if short and intelligent were my only criteria, I'd be dating Radek."

"Ha," John muttered, "like Radek would have you." Rodney's eyes narrowed as John continued. "It's not meant to be rational, Rodney; he's in love with you, not proving Fermat's last theorem."

"So is half the science team, it doesn't mean they're in the habit of trying to lock me in cold storage every other Thursday."

"They're also not working out the best way to kill me with shark-mounted lasers!" John retorted. Well, there was that issue with Simpson and the last of the chocolate pudding the week earlier, but John was sure she was over that.

"He's not Doctor Evil, John!" Exasperation dripped from every word. "He's not sitting in his quarters working out the best ways to kill you with shark-mounted lasers because he thinks it'll be a good laugh."

"No, he's not," John agreed. "He's sitting in his quarters working out the best ways to kill me with shark-mounted lasers *in order to get to you*. He's obsessed, Rodney. Can't you see it?"

"See what? Seriously, John, the only one who seems to be obsessed around here is you."

"Only because I'm trying to save you from the horror of a horny rat!" John snapped. "Although god knows why I'm fighting it, the way I feel at the moment he's bloody welcome to you!"

Silence reigned throughout the room for long moments before Rodney spoke. "If that's really what you think, then maybe we should spend some time apart."

John's head jerked up, trying to catch the gaze that was looking anywhere but at him. "Are you breaking up with me?" John inwardly winced at the almost needy tone of his voice, frantically squashing his inner fourteen-year-old girl back into deepest recesses of his subconscious.

Rodney's eyes met his, the other man obviously choosing his words carefully. "I just think it might be advisable if we take a step back; take some time to think." Rodney headed over to the door, opening it with a thought. "I--" Rodney didn't finish the sentence. He glanced at the floor for a brief moment before he walked out of the room, the door closing behind him.

Grabbing the nearest thing to him John hurled it at the door, watching in perverse satisfaction as the lamp shattered and rained tiny particles of glass onto the floor. Slumping down onto the bed, he let himself fall back and covered his eyes with his arm as he wondered what the hell had just happened.

In his room on board the Daedalus, Hermiod smiled to himself as he watched his Beloved walk out of *that man's* room. The smile faltered as his Beloved only got as far as the transporter before he turned around, heading back towards *that man* and out of Hermiod's reach. Pressing several buttons on his console, Hermiod mentally counted down the seconds until he pressed his radio. "Hermiod to Novak."

"Yes?" The feminine voice floated out of his radio.

"There is a feedback loop building in the hyper drive. We must correct it immediately, or risk explosion."

Hermiod wasn't familiar with all of the terms that Novak proceeded to use, but her general feelings were more than clear.

"I believe Doctor McKay may be of some use."

"Yes, yes, you're right. I'll radio him."

Novak cut the connection and Hermiod turned back to his monitor, seeing his Beloved pause in the corridor and speak into his radio. He wasn't sure what Novak said, but it was successful. The smile returned to Hermiod's face as he watched his Beloved press his fingers briefly against *that man's* door before turning to hurry quickly away, lips moving as he barked orders to what Hermiod assumed were the rest of the science team. Typing in more commands to his console, Hermiod hummed softly to himself. This was going better than he planned.

The End

Only two more planned after this, and then the crack!fic is over! Over, I tell you!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

saffronra.livejournal.com

You are evil. I mean this in the nicest possible way of course... but evil still!

From:

seiyaharris.livejournal.com

I hate you. I mean, y'know, I don't, but, whatever. Even know this was coming, I'm still like 'nooooooooo! RODNEY!' and he, he pressed his hand to the door all forlornly and John threw a lamp and OMG!

Ahem. I know it hands happily. I know this. However, I also know YOU and you're idea of happy is skewed. **eyeballs you**

From:

...but the fish are suspiciously silent

And it's still going...

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