moonlettuce: (Crack!Fic)
[personal profile] moonlettuce
Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four. Part five. Part six. Part seven. Part eight.
Part nine. Part ten. Part eleven.

Men Are From Mars, Asgard Are From Othala, Epilogue

John watched as Rodney paced the GateRoom.

"I can't believe you got me to agree to this."

*Pace*Pace*Pace*Turn*

"You do remember what he did, don't you?"

*Pace*Pace*Pace*Turn*

"Cold storage! Bees! Impersonating you to get to me!"

*Pace*Pace*Pace*Turn*

"What on Atlantis are we doing even agreeing to--"

"Rodney, calm down." John grabbed Rodney's arm as the other man stalked past. "I didn't see any harm in agreeing to Caldwell's request." Even if he had specified that it was to take place in public. When it was busy. And he knew at least seventeen of the Marines were standing by. Not that John was paranoid or anything, but he'd underestimated Hermiod once too often, and he wasn't about to give the little grey rat any more opportunities to play at being the evil mastermind with the hots for John's boyfriend.

Rodney just looked at him. "Explain to me again why we're doing this?"

"Because Caldwell asked and I didn't see any reason to refuse him," John pointed out reasonably. And how strange was it that John was now the one looking at this rationally?

"Didn't see any reason?" Rodney repeated, incredulity colouring his tone. "Like the insane stalking alien isn't reason enough?" He took John's hand. "If we leave now we can still escape back to your quarters and have hot, sweaty sex for the next three hours." Rodney smiled encouragingly and nodded.

John thought about it carefully. One the one hand, he'd promised Caldwell they would hear Hermiod out, but on the other, hot sweaty sex with Rodney was never something to turn down. He was just in the middle of working out if they had enough time to have hot sweaty sex and then make it back in time to meet Caldwell when the hum of the Daedalus's transporter answered his question.

"And to think," Rodney muttered, as two figures materialised, coalescing into Caldwell and Hermiod in a matter of moments, "you could have chosen the sex."

John was already halfway to regretting the fact that he hadn't when Caldwell placed a hand on Hermiod's back and gently propelled the Asgard forward.

"Colonel Sheppard, Dr McKay," Caldwell greeted them. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with us."

"Thank the Colonel," Rodney answered tersely. "If it had been up to me we'd be otherwise engaged."

A slight rise of an eyebrow was the only indication Caldwell gave of knowing exactly how they would have been 'otherwise engaged'. He looked down at Hermiod. "Hermiod?"

The Asgard looked at Rodney. "Dr McKay," he started, after a few moments, "I would like to apologise for whatever inappropriate actions I may have taken over the past months. It was wrong and I apologise."

Rodney looked at Hermiod for long seconds before nodding sharply.

Looking satisfied with Rodney's response, Hermiod turned to John. "Colonel Sheppard," he began, "I also apologise for any distress I may have caused you in that time."

John wasn't sure if the pause he heard was just his imagination or not so he let it go. After all, he could be the bigger man here - especially since it was him who got to go home with Rodney and have hot monkey sex and Hermiod got to go back to the stark walls of the Daedalus. "Don't worry about it, it's forgotten. What's a little assault and kidnapping between friends."

Caldwell's eyes narrowed slightly, but he remained quiet.

"Right then," said John, "if we're done here?"

"We are," Hermiod replied.

"Great." John took Rodney's hand and started to lead him out of the GateRoom. "Safe journey back," he called over his shoulder. "Be sure to avoid any Wraith you might see!"

When they were finally clear and in the corridor, John stopped for a moment and looked over at Rodney. "Hot sweaty sex?" he asked.

Rodney looked affronted that John thought he'd have to ask. "Absolutely."

John grinned. His city was fantastic, his boyfriend loved him, and the little grey rat was heading back to Earth. Life was back to normal at last.

Looking back, Hermiod realised how wrong he'd been. Rodney McKay was obviously too insecure with himself to be in love with someone with a higher intellect. That much was obvious by his relationship with John Sheppard. No, what Hermiod needed was someone in control, someone who knew exactly who they were and what they wanted. He watched as Colonel Caldwell barked orders to the Daedalus's bridge crew as he settled into the command chair before ordering the jump that would start them on the journey back to the Milky Way. Humming to himself as he started the diagnostic on the FTL drive, Hermiod let the dulcet tones of his Cherished's voice wash over him. The book was still in his quarters, and they had 18 days before they were due to arrive back on Earth. 18 days, and 94 untried ways to win his man. It looked like he had some planning to do.

The End

And it's done! The crack!fic is over. (Although part of me is kind of sad about that...)

Profile

moonlettuce: (Default)
Claire

May 2017

S M T W T F S
  1 2 3 456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031   

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 17th, 2025 12:05 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios