![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
moonlettuceAnd the Yuletide authors have also beer revealed, so here's another one ::grin::
Title: The Labours of Iolaus
Author: Claire
Pairing: Hercules/Iolaus
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The problem, Iolaus thought, was that Hercules just didn't know how to say no.
Notes: Originally written for Mary Crawford for Yuletide 2008.
The problem, Iolaus thought as he watched his lover neatly side-step yet another inappropriate question from a middle-aged woman who should know better, was that Hercules just didn't know how to say no.
Come to Corinth, Iphicles had said. Take some time to relax, Iphicles had said. Sounds good, Iolaus had answered, speaking for both of them. After all, they'd been on the road for weeks, and every time Iolaus had closed his eyes he'd imagined Corinth's bath house with its hot water and the luxurious beds of the palace. Although he had no objection to bedding down in a barn or forest, sometimes an actual bed was nice.
Thing was, they'd managed to time their arrival into Corinth with the annual schools festival, when all of the school children from the outlying villages came into the city. When one of the teachers had heard Hercules was in the city, she'd immediately petitioned Iphicles to ask him to speak to the children.
Which led Iolaus right back to Hercules's inability to say no and to Iolaus sitting in the palace grounds watching the other man tell stories about his travels to the rapt children and equally rapt adults with them.
"And that is how I slayed the Nemean Lion," Hercules finished.
"And King Eurystheus really let you keep its fur?" a young boy down at the front asked.
Hercules nodded, and Iolaus wondered if he was the only one to see the hint of sadness in Hercules's eyes. Considering the boy was about the same age Onites had been when Hear had taken him from them, Iolaus wasn't surprised.
"Yes, he did."
"And it really made you invisible?"
"Yes," Hercules nodded again.
The boy was wide-eyed. "Did you use it? To sneak up on monsters?"
Hercules's gaze flicked over to Iolaus. "I used it once or twice," he commented lightly.
Iolaus grinned to himself. Hercules had used the pelt, but it hadn't been to sneak up on monsters. He shifted slightly as a flush of arousal and embarrassment washed through him at the memory. It had taken a good few days before he'd been able to look Alcmene in the face again after she'd walked into the barn to find him writhing naked on a bale of hay. She'd thought he was having some sort of seizure until Hercules had pulled the pelt off and revealed both himself and the real reason Iolaus was making such a noise.
He'd been mortified until Alcmene had slapped him on the arm and said that it wasn't as if Hercules and Iolaus had invented sex and that she and Jason were very happy on that front. And besides, if he was going to get that embarrassed, he really should stop having sex with her son in her barn. Of course, that had led to a whole other wave of embarrassment, as well as a sudden curiosity over why Jason had been sitting so funny the previous day.
"You had to do it in one day?" The words, loud and amazed as only young children can be, drew Iolaus out of his memories and back to the tales Hercules was still telling.
"I did," Hercules agreed, before dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper still loud enough for the teachers to hear. "And there was horse poo everywhere!"
Iolaus wrinkled his nose, unable to stop himself. Horse shit everywhere was an understatement. And it wasn't as if Hercules had been the only one covered in it, since he'd decided to drag Iolaus along to help out. It's a favour for King Augeas, Iolaus, he'd said. It won't take long, Iolaus, he'd said. How hard can it be to clean out some stables, Iolaus? he'd said.
Iolaus had ended up burning the clothes he'd been wearing and using the soap Gabrielle had given him as a gift - the one that normally stayed as far down in his pack as possible and only came out when he knew they'd be seeing her and Xena - to get rid of the smell. Even smelling like almond tree and poppy had been preferable to stinking of horse manure. And Hercules had wondered why the innkeeper wouldn't let them back into their room until they'd bathed. Twice.
However, although tales of being covered in horse manure were enough to keep the children amused, the same couldn't be said of the adults.
"Hercules, what about your time with the Amazons? Did you really seduce the Queen out of her girdle?"
Iolaus's eyes narrowed when he recognised the speaker as the same woman who'd insinuated herself into their conversation earlier in the day and commented that the inn her school was staying at had given her a double room all to her very self. And she was going to keep it all to her very self, as well, Iolaus thought.
"Well, not exactly, no," Hercules replied, the way his eyes met Iolaus's saying that he recognised the woman as well. "Hippolyte very kindly loaned me her girdle, but it was just a loan and she offered. There was absolutely no seduction going on that day whatsoever."
Well, not of Hippolyte anyway. There'd definitely been some seducing going on. In fact, Iolaus recalled some rather enthusiastic seducing that Hercules's trousers had been a victim of. Which had led to the entire asking Hippolyte if they could borrow the girdle in the first place, since the pants weren't about to stay up by themselves and Hippolyte's girdle was the only thing big enough to keep them up and let them get back to Alcmene's without Hercules flashing his joy to everyone they met on the way.
"No seducing at all?" There was a distinct pout in the teacher's voice.
"Is it true you once wrestled with Cerberus?" one of the other teachers asked, swiftly changing the subject and throwing her colleague a look that said please shut up.
"Yes," a third chimed in. "I heard you were seen dragging the great beast through the countryside."
Iolaus just shrugged as Hercules looked at him. He had no idea how those kind of rumours got started. Yes, they'd been walking through the countryside with Cerberus, but that had been because Hades had asked them to look after him while he and Persephone were away. Cerberus hadn't been too well and Hades didn't want to leave him with Charon because the boatman was constantly back and forth across the River and Cerberus got clingy when he was ill and wouldn't fit in the boat. At least, not with leaving enough room for the other people who needed to be in there, as well. So, Hades had asked them to stay at Tartarus for the duration and they'd said yes.
Unfortunately, that was the time they'd discovered Hercules was allergic to dogs. And while Iolaus had been rather amused by watching Hercules trying in vain to keep Cerberus from climbing all over him and trying to keep the rash he'd developed from getting worse, he'd found himself less amused by spending the nights not having sex and instead covering Hercules in the foul-smelling healing poultice Charon had dropped off. (Apparently, he'd been stuck in the boat for a week with an apothecary at some point and had passed the time by learning all sorts of medical information, or so he told them. He'd also told them he knew a great cure for foot rot, but Iolaus had passed on that one.)
Three days of the Hercules, Cerberus, Charon's what-crawled-in-this-and-died poultice cycle later and Iolaus had decided that he'd had enough. He wasn't sure which one of them had made the decision to take Cerberus to Alcmene's, but he was thoroughly glad they had.
Cerberus had spent the next few weeks running around fields and having all three heads fed chicken by Alcmene, until Hades had come back to pick him up. Alcmene had been quite sad to see him go, and told Hades that if he ever needed someone to look after Cerberus in the future to just give her a shout. Which reminded Iolaus, he really must remember to mention to Hercules about getting his mother a puppy for her birthday.
He was pulled out of his thoughts about whether Alcmene would prefer a lapdog or something bigger by the shadow that fell over him. Looking up, he smiled at Hercules, noticing that the palace gardens were nearly empty.
"You looked a million miles away," Hercules commented. "Are my stories really that boring?"
Iolaus matched Hercules's grin. "Well, you know, once you've heard one covered in horse shit story, you've heard them all. Although you had at least one person's complete attention." Iolaus nodded over to where the last of the children and teachers were still lingering, unsurprised to see that the woman who'd been trying to get next to Hercules all day was one of them.
Hercules didn't even look. "There's only one person whose attention I want," he said quietly, as he held out a hand to help Iolaus to his feet.
Iolaus just grinned as he took Hercules's hand and pulled him down the ground, laughing as he rolled out the way before Hercules landed on him.
A soft growl was Iolaus's only warning as he was grabbed and pulled back. And then Hercules's lips were on his and there was no more laughing for quite some time.
Fin
Title: The Labours of Iolaus
Author: Claire
Pairing: Hercules/Iolaus
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The problem, Iolaus thought, was that Hercules just didn't know how to say no.
Notes: Originally written for Mary Crawford for Yuletide 2008.
The problem, Iolaus thought as he watched his lover neatly side-step yet another inappropriate question from a middle-aged woman who should know better, was that Hercules just didn't know how to say no.
Come to Corinth, Iphicles had said. Take some time to relax, Iphicles had said. Sounds good, Iolaus had answered, speaking for both of them. After all, they'd been on the road for weeks, and every time Iolaus had closed his eyes he'd imagined Corinth's bath house with its hot water and the luxurious beds of the palace. Although he had no objection to bedding down in a barn or forest, sometimes an actual bed was nice.
Thing was, they'd managed to time their arrival into Corinth with the annual schools festival, when all of the school children from the outlying villages came into the city. When one of the teachers had heard Hercules was in the city, she'd immediately petitioned Iphicles to ask him to speak to the children.
Which led Iolaus right back to Hercules's inability to say no and to Iolaus sitting in the palace grounds watching the other man tell stories about his travels to the rapt children and equally rapt adults with them.
"And that is how I slayed the Nemean Lion," Hercules finished.
"And King Eurystheus really let you keep its fur?" a young boy down at the front asked.
Hercules nodded, and Iolaus wondered if he was the only one to see the hint of sadness in Hercules's eyes. Considering the boy was about the same age Onites had been when Hear had taken him from them, Iolaus wasn't surprised.
"Yes, he did."
"And it really made you invisible?"
"Yes," Hercules nodded again.
The boy was wide-eyed. "Did you use it? To sneak up on monsters?"
Hercules's gaze flicked over to Iolaus. "I used it once or twice," he commented lightly.
Iolaus grinned to himself. Hercules had used the pelt, but it hadn't been to sneak up on monsters. He shifted slightly as a flush of arousal and embarrassment washed through him at the memory. It had taken a good few days before he'd been able to look Alcmene in the face again after she'd walked into the barn to find him writhing naked on a bale of hay. She'd thought he was having some sort of seizure until Hercules had pulled the pelt off and revealed both himself and the real reason Iolaus was making such a noise.
He'd been mortified until Alcmene had slapped him on the arm and said that it wasn't as if Hercules and Iolaus had invented sex and that she and Jason were very happy on that front. And besides, if he was going to get that embarrassed, he really should stop having sex with her son in her barn. Of course, that had led to a whole other wave of embarrassment, as well as a sudden curiosity over why Jason had been sitting so funny the previous day.
"You had to do it in one day?" The words, loud and amazed as only young children can be, drew Iolaus out of his memories and back to the tales Hercules was still telling.
"I did," Hercules agreed, before dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper still loud enough for the teachers to hear. "And there was horse poo everywhere!"
Iolaus wrinkled his nose, unable to stop himself. Horse shit everywhere was an understatement. And it wasn't as if Hercules had been the only one covered in it, since he'd decided to drag Iolaus along to help out. It's a favour for King Augeas, Iolaus, he'd said. It won't take long, Iolaus, he'd said. How hard can it be to clean out some stables, Iolaus? he'd said.
Iolaus had ended up burning the clothes he'd been wearing and using the soap Gabrielle had given him as a gift - the one that normally stayed as far down in his pack as possible and only came out when he knew they'd be seeing her and Xena - to get rid of the smell. Even smelling like almond tree and poppy had been preferable to stinking of horse manure. And Hercules had wondered why the innkeeper wouldn't let them back into their room until they'd bathed. Twice.
However, although tales of being covered in horse manure were enough to keep the children amused, the same couldn't be said of the adults.
"Hercules, what about your time with the Amazons? Did you really seduce the Queen out of her girdle?"
Iolaus's eyes narrowed when he recognised the speaker as the same woman who'd insinuated herself into their conversation earlier in the day and commented that the inn her school was staying at had given her a double room all to her very self. And she was going to keep it all to her very self, as well, Iolaus thought.
"Well, not exactly, no," Hercules replied, the way his eyes met Iolaus's saying that he recognised the woman as well. "Hippolyte very kindly loaned me her girdle, but it was just a loan and she offered. There was absolutely no seduction going on that day whatsoever."
Well, not of Hippolyte anyway. There'd definitely been some seducing going on. In fact, Iolaus recalled some rather enthusiastic seducing that Hercules's trousers had been a victim of. Which had led to the entire asking Hippolyte if they could borrow the girdle in the first place, since the pants weren't about to stay up by themselves and Hippolyte's girdle was the only thing big enough to keep them up and let them get back to Alcmene's without Hercules flashing his joy to everyone they met on the way.
"No seducing at all?" There was a distinct pout in the teacher's voice.
"Is it true you once wrestled with Cerberus?" one of the other teachers asked, swiftly changing the subject and throwing her colleague a look that said please shut up.
"Yes," a third chimed in. "I heard you were seen dragging the great beast through the countryside."
Iolaus just shrugged as Hercules looked at him. He had no idea how those kind of rumours got started. Yes, they'd been walking through the countryside with Cerberus, but that had been because Hades had asked them to look after him while he and Persephone were away. Cerberus hadn't been too well and Hades didn't want to leave him with Charon because the boatman was constantly back and forth across the River and Cerberus got clingy when he was ill and wouldn't fit in the boat. At least, not with leaving enough room for the other people who needed to be in there, as well. So, Hades had asked them to stay at Tartarus for the duration and they'd said yes.
Unfortunately, that was the time they'd discovered Hercules was allergic to dogs. And while Iolaus had been rather amused by watching Hercules trying in vain to keep Cerberus from climbing all over him and trying to keep the rash he'd developed from getting worse, he'd found himself less amused by spending the nights not having sex and instead covering Hercules in the foul-smelling healing poultice Charon had dropped off. (Apparently, he'd been stuck in the boat for a week with an apothecary at some point and had passed the time by learning all sorts of medical information, or so he told them. He'd also told them he knew a great cure for foot rot, but Iolaus had passed on that one.)
Three days of the Hercules, Cerberus, Charon's what-crawled-in-this-and-died poultice cycle later and Iolaus had decided that he'd had enough. He wasn't sure which one of them had made the decision to take Cerberus to Alcmene's, but he was thoroughly glad they had.
Cerberus had spent the next few weeks running around fields and having all three heads fed chicken by Alcmene, until Hades had come back to pick him up. Alcmene had been quite sad to see him go, and told Hades that if he ever needed someone to look after Cerberus in the future to just give her a shout. Which reminded Iolaus, he really must remember to mention to Hercules about getting his mother a puppy for her birthday.
He was pulled out of his thoughts about whether Alcmene would prefer a lapdog or something bigger by the shadow that fell over him. Looking up, he smiled at Hercules, noticing that the palace gardens were nearly empty.
"You looked a million miles away," Hercules commented. "Are my stories really that boring?"
Iolaus matched Hercules's grin. "Well, you know, once you've heard one covered in horse shit story, you've heard them all. Although you had at least one person's complete attention." Iolaus nodded over to where the last of the children and teachers were still lingering, unsurprised to see that the woman who'd been trying to get next to Hercules all day was one of them.
Hercules didn't even look. "There's only one person whose attention I want," he said quietly, as he held out a hand to help Iolaus to his feet.
Iolaus just grinned as he took Hercules's hand and pulled him down the ground, laughing as he rolled out the way before Hercules landed on him.
A soft growl was Iolaus's only warning as he was grabbed and pulled back. And then Hercules's lips were on his and there was no more laughing for quite some time.
Fin
