Hermiod Crack!Fic, part 3...

[moonlettuce]

Part one is here, and part two is here.

Walking into his quarters on board the Daedelus, John Sheppard grunted in surprise as he was grabbed suddenly and pinned to the wall. Lips descended on his and a tongue tasting of raspberry slipped into his mouth. Letting himself relax into the kiss, John frowned slightly when Rodney McKay pulled away.

"It's perfect!" Rodney exclaimed. "Where did you get it? And how did you sneak it on board without me seeing? I mean, you're Atlantis's ranking military officer and that has to have some perks, but this? Totally unexpected."

John looked at Rodney in confusion. "Not that I'm objecting to this," he said, rolling his hips forward slightly and pressing himself against an answering hardness in Rodney's trousers, "but I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't, John," Rodney smirked as he leant down and swiped his tongue over the side of John's neck.

John groaned as Rodney's lips moved over his skin, barely touching. "I-- whoa-- okay-- no, seriously." Rodney ignored him and continued his attack on John's vulnerable neck. "Rodney, stop!"

The lips against his neck froze and Rodney pulled back, looking at him. "The chocolate model of the solar system."

John shook his head.

"With Neptune as dark chocolate covered raspberry crème."

John shook his head again. Although at least that explained the sweet taste of Rodney's mouth.

Rodney frowned as he moved and looked over to the desk. "Well, if it wasn't you, who was it?"

John followed Rodney's gaze to find what appeared to be a to-scale model of the solar system with each planet rendered in a different variety of chocolate. "I take it that's Neptune," he commented, nodding towards the planet with a chunk taken out of it.

Rodney ignored him, walking over to the desk and picking up a card. "It came with this." He held the card out, waiting until John took it from him.

"For my beloved. You are sweeter than all the planets put together." John grimaced as he put the card back on the desk. "And you thought I sent that?" He didn't know what to be offended about more: that someone had sent Rodney a dire imitation of a cheesy Hallmark card, or that fact that Rodney had thought was from him.

Rodney pulled his hand away from the inner raspberry crème of Neptune. "Well who else knows that getting me chocolate makes me hornier than hell?"

John grinned. "I didn't send it, Rodney, but I'm more than happy to take advantage."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "You always are," he muttered, eyes not leaving John's as he swept his fingers back through Neptune and offered them to his lover.

Sliding his lips over Rodney's fingers, he sucked the sweet pink stickiness off the digits in his mouth. "So," he smirked, nipping Rodney's fingers with his teeth before he let them slip away, "if I ask if I can nibble on Uranus, will you let me?"

Rodney grinned as he grabbed John's hand and pulled him over to the bed. "Absolutely."

Back in his room Hermiod grumbled. He had sent his beloved a gift and now *that man* was reaping the benefits. Setting the camera in his beloved's room to 'record', Hermiod turned back to the book in front of him. According to Earth traditions, there were 101 ways to win your man, and Hermiod had only just started.

End.

Comments

[the4ts.livejournal.com]

"if I ask if I can nibble on Uranus, will you let me?"

May I be the first to groan ... ;) Please, Rodney & John, can I also watch?

Stalker!Hermiod - That's scary!

::Tries hard to resist letting Claire know how much she's enjoying this as Claire doesn't need anymore encouragement to be deviant:: ;)

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

But the pun just had to be made ;-)

[shetiger.livejournal.com]

"if I ask if I can nibble on Uranus, will you let me?"

*dies dies dies*

I think it's time to confess that I've been reading these, and just rolling. This one's the kicker, though. Great job.

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

First: lol! at your icon *g*

I know the Uranus pun was bad, but I just couldn't help myself *grin*

Glad you're enjoying these :-D

[workerb.livejournal.com]

if I ask if I can nibble on Uranus, will you let me?

Bwahahaha! I'm really enjoying this series.

Pining!Hermiod is funny. Hermiod does all the work but John reaps all the benefits.

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

I'm actually starting to feel kinda sorry for Hermiod. Maybe I'll let him get his man in the end *evil grin*

[davechicken.livejournal.com]

Poor, poor Hermiod.

*woe*

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

*grin* It's still your fault ;-)

[davechicken.livejournal.com]

*preens happily*

[alyse]

Hermiod needs to get together with Heimdall so they can have a bitch fest about Humans stealing their true loves. Cos you know that Heimdall is still pissed about Jack and Thor.

::nods seriously::

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. Jack/Thor is total OTP *g*

[ship-recs.livejournal.com]

haha, this is hilarious!

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

*grin*

[seiyaharris.livejournal.com]

So, John is obviously apt to saying things like;
"if I ask if I can nibble on Uranus, will you let me?"
but he still expects Rodney to believe he didn't send an equally cheesy card? Oh, John, silly, silly boy *g*

In other news, this is absolutely awful and you shouldn't write anymore you sick, sick woman. Yes.

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

[tigs.livejournal.com]

Okay, these? Are just way, way too funny. And I would quote all of my favorite lines, but I have to run off to work, and really, I'd probably just end up quoting great chunks of all three of these.

Hee. What great things to read first thing in the morning. :)

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

*grin* Glad you're enjoying them. I'm having way too much fun with Hermiod so I'm pleased he's brightening your day :-)

[ladydewinter.livejournal.com]

Hee! This is just hilarious, and I love it.

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

*grin* Thank you! :-D

[wolfine.livejournal.com]

Thanks to you, I have bits of Almond Joy lodged in my keyboard.

So worth it.

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

*g*

*Offers towel to wipe down keyboard*

:-D

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

What makes this so perfect is how I can see the little muppet squinting and blinking and plotting. And then watching the video and not knowing how to get himself off.

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

Hermiod plots, oh yes he does. John should fear, oh yes he should ;-)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

I am starting to fear him!
But you have to insert your view on how Hermiod gets himself off. It's been bothering me ever since reading your tale of his romantic endeavours ;P

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

Well, it involves this bowl of custard and a rubber duck...

*grin*