Where am I? And what am I doing in this handbasket?

[moonlettuce]

So, I just received one of those 'We have £15,000,000 due to the downfall of the Nigerian government and will you please give us your bank details so we can launder it through you' e-mails. Only this one is personalised. Indeed, it starts off with 'Dear Rita'. So, not only does this guy think I'm stupid enough to give him my bank details and allow him to clean out my (heart-wrenchingly small) bank account, but he also thinks I'm stupid enough to answer to the name Rita.

Don't get me wrong, Rita is a perfectly good name. I have a friend named Rita and it's worked wonders for her since she was born. It is, however, a name I have *never* used. So where he got it from is beyond me. It just gives me the impression of some Grubby Little Men (tm) sending out these e-mails while going through a baby names book.

Grubby Little Man #1: Who will we address this one to?

Grubby Little Man #2: We haven't had a Prudence yet.

Grubby Little Man #1: Yes, but I'm not overly fond of the name.

Grubby Little Man #2: My mother was called Prudence.

Grubby Little Man #1: Your mother was a slapper.

Grubby Little Man #2: You take that back!

And then it degenerates into biting, kicking and rolling around on the floor. And then Grubby Little Man #1 realises that he's breathing heavily while looking into Grubby Little Man #2's eyes, and why hadn't he ever noticed how blue those eyes were. Lowering his head, lips meet tentatively, a soft brush before he pulls back, suddenly embarrassed.

Grubby Little Man #2: Oh, I never knew you felt that way!

Grubby Little Man #1: How could you? I kept it hidden for all those years...

Grubby Little Man #2: Kiss me you fool!

And then they honeymoon in Barbados with all the money from the stupid people who gave out their bank details.

And the moral of the story is? Even Grubby Little Men find love.

Altogether now: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Comments

[ximeria.livejournal.com]

That's... an interesting take on those emails...
I've never given it such thoughts... now, at least, thanks to you, I'll start giggling every time I get one of those *G*

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

Be warned, it more likely to be a giggling/squicked mixture at the thought of our (for now we know of their hidden passions they are close to our hearts) Grubby Little Men gettin' it on :)

[xandutch.livejournal.com]

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!! Did you have to? Yeah, I guess you did.

But how come I never get offers like that? I hardly even get dental coverage or home loans anymore, it's all the most crude gross sex mails that make me nauseous just looking at the subjectline. Yerch.

(*pauses* Wait. Grubby little men, this does not mean that I want to get your mails too!)

(Or penis enlargements. *looks desperately* Do I really need a penis enlargement?)

Besides, I think they were just listening to the Beatles. Lovely Rita, meter maaaid... Nothing's gonna come between us...

(Wait, that would imply some modicum of taste.)

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!! Did you have to? Yeah, I guess you did.

Yup, I really, really did :)

(Or penis enlargements. *looks desperately* Do I really need a penis enlargement?)

I get those occassionally. I especially like the ones that guarantee an 3 inch enlargement on my penis. Because I'm thinking 'Babe, you you can *guarantee* that you're looking at an entry in the Guiness Book of Records.'

[minitrog.livejournal.com]

Even Grubby Little Men find love.

Well good then! *g*

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

Exactly. For even the GLM (tm) need someone to love them *grin*

[temaris.livejournal.com]

You see, it's moments like these that remind me that there are *always* unplumbed depths with you.

Many of them of course, were not just meant to remain unplumbed, but were locked, bolted, barred, with planks nailed over the top, the Seal of Solomon inlaid into the planks, and a large sign saying Do Not Open. We Really *Really* mean It.
in the middle.

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

You see, it's moments like these that remind me that there are *always* unplumbed depths with you

Bob Ballard would have a field day with me. Mind you, so would Freud...

[adamlizz.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh! But in an "awwwww" way.

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

But as long as there's an 'Awww' in there ;)