moonlettuce | Fic: Northern Lights, SPN, Dean/Castiel

Title: Northern Lights
Author: Claire
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG
Summary: "I didn't Fall because you thought about it, Dean."
Notes: From the

deancastiel quick fire challenge using the prompt words compensate tree continue soul.

The bark of the tree is rough under Dean's hand as he reaches out and presses his fingers to the trunk. "I'm not sure what Bobby was more surprised at," he says quietly. "Finding a full grown tree in his yard or finding you naked at the foot of it."

"If the what the hell have you done, you idiot angel, was anything to go by, probably the latter." Castiel doesn't ask how Dean knew he was there and Dean's kinda grateful. He doesn't think he could explain it, he can barely explain it to himself.

He certainly can't explain to Sam why he'd already turned the Impala around, was already heading back to Bobby's, before his cell even rang.

Get back here, Dean.

Sam's the one who's always believed in shit like fate and destiny. Sam's the one who has faith. Dean's just the one who fucks up everything, everyone, he touches.

I know your soul, Dean Winchester--

Well, ain't you the fucking lucky one--

Dean's fingers tighten against the tree, sharpness biting into the palm of his hand. It wasn't meant to happen like this. They stopped it, they survived, they won. Lucifer was cast down and Sam was still Sam and the host of fucking Heaven had decreed it done.

And Cas--

"Why?" Dean turns around and looks at him, looks at Cas, standing there in jeans too big for him and one of Dean's shirts.

Because even if Dean thought about it, even if he wanted it, he would never have asked. Hell, it was only when his foot was flooring the gas and his hands were wrapped so tightly around the Impala's steering wheel that he could barely feel his fingers, that he admitted to himself that he had wanted this. And then he'd wondered if him wanting it had made it happen, if Cas being cast out of his home was Dean's fucking reward.

And he'd lied to Sam. Had told him that it had been the shit-hole diner they'd stopped at earlier that had had him heaving his guts up at the side of the road. Because what else could he have said. Hey, Sammy, I was real good and didn't fuck the angel, even though I thought about him on his knees pretty much every fucking night. But guess what? I brought him down anyway. Because, apparently, I'm just that fucking special.

"What?" Because Cas is smiling at him, fucking smiling at him.

"I didn't Fall because you thought about it, Dean."

Dean's pretty sure he didn't say any of that out loud, which means that either Cas is already able to read Dean like a book, or he's kept some of the angel mojo and is still tuned into Winchester radio. Dean's not entirely sure which one he'd prefer.

And Cas is moving now, closing the distance between them until he's against Dean and Dean is against the tree. And he's still fucking smiling.

"I Fell because I thought about it." Voice soft and careful. "The first time I looked at you, I wanted you. And I continue to want you."

Dean can feel Cas's heartbeat. Body pressed against Dean and heartbeat running through them both.

"Do you still want me, Dean?"

"Yes--" Because Cas should never sound that unsure, should never think that Dean will ever not want him.

But--

"Jesus, Cas--" Because Dean's not worth it, certainly not enough to compensate being cast out of Heaven, of his family. "You gave up everything."

And Cas looks at him, just looks at him, as he places a hand on Dean's cheek, fingers warm and perfect and human. "No, I didn't."